i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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