Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
