Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
