Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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