Your mouth is God's brothel.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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