I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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