sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
