He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I enjoy the company of your penis
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
