my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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