Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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