we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
