Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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