...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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