Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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