dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
