I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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