They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
