Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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