Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
