You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
