no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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