I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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