i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
