We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
