She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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