he shaved USA in his pubs
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
