Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
