did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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