this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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