sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
