U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You pole danced in your parka.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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