mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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