no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
