I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
