Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
