she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
