Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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