Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
