fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
