my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
