dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
