Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
