he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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