If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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