i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
honey bunches of taint.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
