im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He did a backflip because drugs
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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