8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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