What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
