he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
