help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I did not marry a roomba.
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