you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
